Gluten Free Pity Party Plus the How to Make Friends with Chocolate

I wish I looked this cute throwing a gluten free tantrum + I miss overalls!

I would say I generally do not have any feelings of injustice about my lot in life as a gluten free person. My motto? It could be worse, a lot worse. I could be forced to eat vegan, have a goiter, or have no arms and legs like that man I met outside a bar last week. He asked if he could take my picture because he said I was something that he wanted for Christmas. How sweet, though now that I think about it, sort of creepy as well - but the man was basically a torso!

Yet every year around the holidays I like to throw myself a good old pity party about not getting to eat all the “fun stuff". For Thanksgiving this year, I took control of the situation, and cooked everything myself. The only thing that wasn’t gluten free at my Thanksgiving dinner was a basket of rolls and the pies – both things that don’t interest me at all. The food was delicious and I don’t think anyone missed the big, bad G-monster.

However, Christmas is a whole other ordeal that tends to leave me acting like The Gluten Free Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I blame this largely on the fact that I work in an office and sit right next to a buffet like table where all the Christmas tidings get placed. Here’s a typical day at the office for me.

Vendor: (carrying a large box of donuts, cupcakes, fried chicken) Come and get it everyone! Free food because you are AWESOME.

Emily: (takes a quick glance at the free food up for grabs, realizes she can’t eat it, and goes back to emailing). Sigh, I love having celiac disease! Who’s kidding who, I’m really the AWESOME one here.



Gluten loving co-worker: Wow, I feel so bad for you. You are in the best spot for guzzling all of this gluten filled food, yet you can't eat ANY of it. I don’t know how you function in life without being able to stuff pastries in your mouth 24 hours a day!



Emily: No worries, I’m not a huge whoopie pie eater anyways. Excuse me while I go cry in my favorite bathroom stall.




Ok, so my coworkers are not that mean. I really do love them (especially the one who gave me a bottle of Cote de Rhone for Secret Santa this year. Merci beau coup!) I’ll say for the most part, things have improved. With the economy in the toilet, no one can afford to give out a bunch of free stuff anymore. So nobody gets anything, and I win! Also, the one holiday vendor lunch I did have this year, we went to a place with a gluten free menu. And even though I found a renegade wheat bow-tie in my shrimp scampi with gf pasta, to quote Bob Dylan, “times they are a changin’.”



But it still makes me sort of mad/sad that when everyone else gets this as their mid-afternoon pick me-up:

fancy schmancy cupcakes from NYC. They were probably amazing!

I get to nosh on these yummmies. All I need is a bottle of Ensure and I’ll make my complete transformation into a nursing home resident – jesus, I’m only 28!

Why is fun gluten free food still totally inaccessible slash remortgage your house expensive? Why can’t they make cupcakes out of pure chocolate? Or have a gluten free spray that neutralizes all harmful gluten proteins? Why is my life so damn difficult!???

Well it is the holidays, and I'm reminded that there are some people that have no food - ever. And the fact that I can eat at least some food in this world, without any major struggle, means my life is pretty great. Cue the chorus of angels. Hallelujah! And on that note, let’s talk about CHOCOLATE!

For my work Xmas potluck this year, I decided to go the dessert route. This is an odd choice for me, as normally I loathe sweets. They just don’t do it for me. Ice cream is eh, cake is only good on birthdays, and gluten free cookies are the serious pits. However, recently I stumbled onto something that will satisfy my inner need for a 24 hour salt lick - chocolate with salt on it! Salty sweet is the way to go people. If you have not tried it you are making the biggest mistake of your life – right along with those tapered pants!

In the December issue of Bon Appetite they had their usual Yuletide smorgasbord including a recipe for Chocolate Almond Bark with Sea Salt and I thought that now is the perfect time to dust off my skills as a master chocolatier. Fun Fact: My first job at the age of 14 was actually at a chocolate shop. I prepped these amazing truffles and gained about 20 pounds doing it. Best summer of my life! For this particular recipe, I was pretty sure this was going to be just like riding a bike, with edible chocolate wheels!

For the most part this recipe was pretty easy, aside from making the caramel concoction to cover the almonds. It seemed so simple. Put some sugar in a sauce pan, add 2 T water, and then heat until the mixture turns an amber color. There was some direction about wiping the sides of the pan down with a wet pastry brush, but I sort of ignored that. This sounded like when you make simple syrup for mojitos – what could be easier????

Well my sugar mixture took forever to get to any sort of amber shade and it got so clumpy and weird. It looked nothing like caramel – more like rotten milk. So I did what any person used to cooking does when something looks lumpy or weird – I whisked the bleep out of it! And lo and behold, once I added the tablespoon of butter, I got something that resembled caramel. Be forewarned – DO NOT TRY TO TASTE THE HOT CARAMEL. That stuff was like 800 degrees and I nearly burned my thumb off. Also, don’t spill any on your extremities – who knew you could practically lose a toe from flying caramel! And........wear shoes in the kitchen!
do it yourself double boiler!

The rest really was quite easy. I don’t own a double boiler (not a lot of people do) and improvised with a glass bowl over a sauce pan. I melted the chocolate added the almonds and spread it out onto a cookie sheet. I’ve learned from using several recipes from Bon Appetite to read the online reviews first. I find that fellow readers are far more likely to encounter the same hurdles as you versus the test cooks at Bon Appetite. In this case, many of the reviewers had some good pointers on the caramel sauce and had a nice tip about waiting for the chocolate to cool a bit before adding the sea salt.

oooo action shot

A few hours later, I had some delicious bark. When I unveiled them at the office party, people were devouring the salty sweet goodness and I suddenly had a ton of new friends! By far my easiest and most visually appealing pot luck offering to date (the stuffed jalepenos I brought last time had seen better days after the morning commute) plus I have a ton of leftovers that I can eat in my pajamas tonight while I am enjoying my bottle of Cote de Rhone. Christmas really is full of gluten free miracles. Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy.

This bark will make you friends

Chocolate-Almond Bark with Sea Salt

1/2 cup sugar

1 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 1/2 cups roasted Marcona almonds (not in oil) - I couldn't find these so I just bagged, sliced almonds

1 pound good-quality dark chocolate (62%–70% cacao), finely chopped - I found 60% cacao chips that Ghirardelli sells now.

Coarse sea salt (for sprinkling)

Line a baking sheet with a silicone baking mat or foil. Combine sugar with 2 tablespoons water in a small saucepan. Stir over medium-low heat until sugar dissolves. Bring to a boil and cook, occasionally swirling pan and brushing down sides with a wet pastry brush, until caramel is dark amber, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat. Immediately add butter; whisk until melted. Add almonds; stir until well coated. Transfer to baking sheet, spreading out to separate nuts. Let cool. Break up any large clumps of nuts. Set aside 1/4 of nuts.

Stir chocolate in a medium bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water until melted. Remove from heat, add nuts from baking sheet, and stir quickly to combine. Spread chocolate-nut mixture on same baking sheet, keeping nuts in a single layer. Top with the reserved nuts; sprinkle with salt. Chill until chocolate is set, about 3 hours.

Break bark into pieces and store between layers of parchment or waxed paper. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 week ahead. Keep chilled.

My Culinary Life In Pictures

Sipping on some 25 year old port in NOLA

Woweeeee. It’s been a CRAZY few months. I’ve been insanely lazy about posting anything recently, and it makes me feel sad. Almost so sad, that I want to insert an emoticon. But I won’t. I have self respect. I’m going to blame my lack of posting on the fact that I’ve had an off and on cold for a few weeks that has zapped my appetite, but also because my bank account has seen better days. How can I buy oodles of serious ingredients without some serious moolah? That’s right, you can’t. (Note to self: Look into culinary prostitution. Need money will work for Shaw’s gift cards!)

However, as I look through my new Iphone, I realized that I actually have eaten some fun stuff the last few months (I also realized I need to stop taking pictures of my cat with bows I’ve placed on her head) both things that I have made and things that I did not. So why not share all my fun feasts with you – my 7 fabulous followers?? Hi Mom!

Pork: The Other White Meat I Never Eat. Wait, I Think That's a Haiku!

This past Labor Day weekend, I was on Cape Cod and had dinner at Adrian’s in Truro. My friend Erin had heard that Boston chef Will Gilson had a pop-up restaurant at this little outpost this summer, so we drove to way out there Truro to sample the delights. The food was insane. This was pork loin (cooked to perfection btw) served with these neat little carrots, roasted leeks, and peaches. I love when fruit makes an appearance in a savory. I also can't tell you the last time I ate pork. Why don't I eat it more often?? It's just so delicious! My favorite part of this dish was the orange puree, which was actually chorizo flavored! Hot dog. Even though we got a flat tire on the way home, totally worth it!

Sufferin’ Succotash

One weekend this summer I drove my BFF back to her home-town of Fort Worth, Texas. That’s right, I drove to Texas in 2 days, suckaaaaaa. One night we stopped in New Orleans and ate at a stupendous restaurant called The Green Goddess where I had this duck sausage served with a black eyed pea succotash. I love the idea of a succotash ( I love to say the word even more!) so put together my own little mimic of that dish, subbing some chicken sausages for the duck. The black eyed peas really made this dish though be forewarned if you make a whole bag of beans, you will have A LOT of beans to eat. Of course if you are me, they just sit all guilty in a Tupperware in your fridge for a month before you come to the sad conclusion (or your roommate yells at you) that you're just never going to use those beans. I don’t do well with leftovers….

Norway: Fjords, Fish, Meatballs??

The premiere of The Amazing Race was at the end of September. A few friends and I are AR junkies, and thought it would be fun to have a "foods of the world" themed pot-luck event. It was my brilliant idea to pick our chosen country out of a hat, and of course I got stuck with....NORWAY! Kids, there’s a reason why Norwegian restaurants aren’t on every block. Their food is just weird. Just kidding - that’s mean. I will say that most of the food is pickled fish, brown bread, some weird brown cheese, reindeer? Not really pot luck caliber dishes. I did find a recipe for some meatballs with a spicy cream sauce - and by spicy think cinnamon not jalapeño. Here are the meatballs as they sizzled up. They turned out great and that’s mostly because I used about a pound of butter and lots of heavy cream.

No More Nachos!!!

There came a point in early October, where I was sick of eating nachos for dinner every night and smartly raided my bank account and splurged for scallops. Was I embarrassed that I went up to the fish market guy and said I wanted 3 scallops? Hellz no! It still cost me about $2 bucks a scallop and they were on sale! I wanted to make a restaurant worthy meal this night and one of my favorite things to order out are seared scallops over a risotto. For this risotto I did peas and a hint of lemon. Divine! I’m always a little wary of the whole scallop searing process. Butter or Oil? How long per side? They are just so delicate and they are really easy to over-cook. I got a pretty good sear on these though, and they were damn good.


If you turn 25, I’ll make thee Duck

My sister turned 25 on October 14th! Happy Birthday Andre! Andre loves duck and part of her present this year included me cooking a delectable duck feast. Well Monsieur Duck seriously took it out of me. I was at the peak day of my October coldfest and spent the morning running around trying to find duck breasts whilst guzzling various cold meds. I ended up buying a whole duck and teaching myself how to de-bone it via a YouTube video. I went for the French classic, Duck a L’Orange. Like a lot of French dishes the sauce was really complicated and by complicated I mean 28 different steps, lots of reducing stocks, caramelizing sugar, etc. Those French are serious over achievers. Duck is also a tricky bird when it comes to cooking it just right—but I got a pretty good sear on these and got them to a nice medium rare. I served the duck over a simple asparagus risotto with Romano cheese. Yum Yum.

Wow, Onion Rings Are FANTASTIC.

Andre also inspired me to make another meal recently; BBQ Bacon Cheeseburgers with Onion Rings. This particular burger is Andre’s Holy Grail burger and one day she was eating it and I asked her if I could take a sniff. Oh the pathetic lives of those who cannot eat burgers on buns! The smell was intoxicating; fatty burger, tangy bbq, smoky bacon, and the fried yumminess of the onion rings. I nearly swooned. I ended up making my own bun-less version, complete with gluten free onion rings! I used GF pancake mix for the breading and it all worked out rather well. It was my first onion ring in almost 10 years and I had forgotten how flipping amazing they are.

MY CAT IS CUTE DEAL WITH IT

There is no culinary story tied to this little gem, but I do enjoy taking pictures of my sweet cat. This is a mini raspberry sorbet that I got and that IS food, so I think it qualifies for the montage. Cat Lady, what what??

The Hunger Games: Day Four

As of this morning, I’ve embarked on the beginning of my fourth day of eating like a vegan. I’m not going to lie; it pretty much sucks, though not as much as I thought it was going to suck, so I guess that’s a big old WIN. I’m actually shocked I haven’t cheated yet, even yesterday when my darling sister tried to ply me with chicken liver mousse, brie cheese and Ritter bars. I held fast and firm. Nothing can shake my inner vegan warrior! NOTHING.

Xena was a total vegan face

On a hunger scale, I would say I’m at a steady 5 or 6 all day. That’s my biggest beef (zing!) about the vegan diet; I never feel satisfied or full. I’m not necessarily looking forward to my next plate of steaming veggies. I thought this would be a huge problem for me since most days I turn into the female version of the Incredible Hulk if my blood sugar dips below a certain level. I honestly feared for the safety of my sister and cats. However, I seem to have magically maintained my pleasant demeanor. I will say I have gotten pretty creative on my menu, and that has helped. Going into this week, I made a point of not being lazy and just eating pasta every day and so far I’ve succeeded. Here’s what I’ve had so far:

Day 1

Breakfast: granola with rice milk

Lunch: quinoa with beets and beet greens

Dinner: roasted portabello mushroom “steaks”, roasted potatoes, and green beans

Good looking mushrooms steaks!

Day 2

Breakfast: banana with peanut butter

Lunch: Burrito bowl from Boloco – vegan style (and they totally gipped me on the rice btw)

Dinner: Butternut Squash Soup and corn tortilla quesadilla with rice cheese, tomato, and basil.

A vegan burrito bowl from Boloco. Basically I paid $5.00 for a bowl of lettuce, three beans and a few grains of rice. All I can say is good thing I added the guac!


Day 3

Breakfast: banana with peanut butter

Lunch: butternut squash soup and a wrap with tomato, basil, and mustard

Dinner: roasted eggplant with broccoli polenta

I have to admit, this polenta was really blah without the milk or cheese. Damn you vegans!


In true list loving fashion, here are a few things I've learned about this "whole vegan thing".......

1. The soy lattes at Starbucks are surprisingly good. I don’t usually take sugar in my coffee so this was a bit on the sweet side for me. But by the time the foam melted into the coffee, it was sort of ….nice?

2. I didn’t have high hopes for my rice cheese. I should have guessed that a dairy substitute made with a grain would be, well, grainy. But the package said it was good at melting, and that definitely made it taste less like sticks. Hooray!

3. Season, Season, Season. Without butter and milk to add to things, I found that a little extra seasoning really goes a long way. I have been using veggie stock in the place of water when I cooked most of my grains, salt and peppering like it’s my job, and throwing random herbs into everything. Long live basil!

4. Vegan and Gluten free granola is the pits! As you can see from my menu recap, I bailed on the gluten free granola by Day 2. First of all, it tastes like cardboard coated with cranberry dust. Secondly, my affordable (cough, cough à $7.00) bag, would probably last me three servings! What a rip. I really think the market takes advantage of gluten free people. Just because we haven’t tasted granola in a few years does not mean we won’t realize that this stuff tastes like crap.

5. God bless tortilla chips, salsa, and guacamole. By the end of this wild ride, I think I’ll have to base my strict adherence to this diet on the fact that my almost daily ritual of bingeing on chips and salsa (or guac) and a cocktail while watching Jeopardy, remained intact! God truly loves me if he made booze and avocados vegan and gluten free.

So with only 4 full days to go, I can just about see the finish line of this Vegan Marathon. Look---a nice wedge of Brie cheese is waiting for me with it’s arms (do cheese have arms? Just go with it) open for a big hug.I still have to survive my work potluck (I'm making a vegan pumpkin risotto) and might do a grand finale at a vegan or vegetarian restaurant. Until then.....VEGAN ME.

The Hunger Games; My Week-Long Stint as A Vegan

Vote Vegan? V is for Vegan? Planet Vulcan?

Vegans have been my nemesis for a long time. The Lex Luthor to my Clark Kent. The Joker to my Batman. The Heidi Montag to my Lauren Conrad. Being gluten free, I constantly struggle on a day to day basis with finding foods that I can safely eat. Dining out is often a catastrophe as gluten minefields are everywhere. The fact that people voluntarily choose to not eat the most delicious things in the world like meat and dairy, I can seriously not comprehend it! I get that eating sure so pure and so plain probably means a healthier body, both inside and out, but I’ll put it bluntly. I could never break it off with my one true love; cheese.

Oh Cheese, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways....Cheddar, Gouda, Fontina, Manchego

These days, meat and dairy have become my survival foods. They are almost always naturally gluten free, so I constantly rely on them in my day to day eating. For breakfast, I’m all about eggs, cottage cheese, or yogurt. My dinners are usually based around a protein, and any excuse I have for putting cheese on something, I’m there.

This summer I’ve definitely been slumming it - eating-wise. I traveled a lot, so when I did have time it eat, it wasn’t too pretty. The other day I had macaroni and cheese for breakfast (it was, however, HOMEMADE) so I thiiiiiiiink it’s time for a cleanse of some sort. Anyways, this fall coincides with me challenging myself and what better way to do that then by GOING VEGAN! Not forever, just for a week, and just so that I can experience life on the other side. Perhaps this way, I’ll have a new found respect for those vegans out there, instead of wanting to push their faces into a big pile of foie gras. In general, I feel like I do consume far too much dairy for one person, and if I can learn to live without it for a week, perhaps I can start to eat a bit less and be OK about it. So here goes nothing!!!

Look at this fun fake chicken and cheese! And it only cost me.....$10 bucks!

Yesterday I went to the store to stock up on vegan stuff and I discovered that eating like a vegan is pretty expensive. My usual Sunday grocery list, dominated my meat, dairy and eggs, was now filled with somewhat expensive produce and weird outrageously expensive fake food. I figured I would do gluten free granola and rice milk for breakfast and grains like brown rice and quinoa with a veggie for lunch. I would opt for a meat like veggie option for dinner with, you guessed it, more veggies. I got veggie stock, which I never usually buy because I think it tastes like dirty celery water. I wasn’t going to try to find a lot of dairy and meat substitutes (most usually have gluten as fillers, so that’s a no go) but I could not resist some gluten free fake chicken tenders and a cheese substitute made with soy and rice. YUMMO.

For my last meal as an animal by product eating person, I was going to go for delectable beef short-ribs (my last meal before the electric chair choice). However, my local Shaw’s and their meat department is a tad lackluster, so I had to settle with Cornish game hen. Not that I’m complaining, roast chicken is amazing. So after eating about 3 pounds of crispy chicken skin and some cheesy grits, I drifted off to sleep while visions of vegetables danced in my head.

As I write this, I’m already one meal in and about a cup of rice milk deep into this diet. So far I feel…..ok? I had a banana this morning, followed by vegan and gluten free granola with rice milk, and rice milk in my coffee.

Stocking up the pantry with vegan friendly stuff; BEPs, GF granola and brown rice. I feel like I need to rock some Tevas with socks and my life will be complete!

I felt hungry by 11 am (I’ll mention I had breakfast at 9:30 am), so had some dried apricots and almonds. My stomach feels a little bit empty and I really didn’t get the usual enjoyment out of my coffee. The rice milk really watered it down and gave it a funky soy taste. Blech, I hate soy. Yesterday I roasted some beets and made some quinoa, so that’s lunch. Tonight, I'm having Portobello mushroom “steaks” with roasted potatoes and green beans.

These beets looked lovely at the market, and I would have bought them crazy vegan diet or not.

As I go through today, possibly craving a big, juicy bun-less cheeseburger, my one comfort lies in the fact that BOOZE is vegan. Let’s be real, I would never ever take on a diet that would turn me into a teetotaler. F-that and bring on the vodka tonics.

I’ll be checking in on Wednesday to report on the last few days. If I don’t post anything, there is a chance I either a. passed out from low blood sugar or b. cheated and am embarrassed about my puny will power. But let’s hope neither of those things occur. Go Vegan, Go Vegan, Go Go, Go Vegan!

I Love Homemade Macaroni and Cheese: So Roux Me!

I recently got introduced to Nigel Slater through an article in Bon Appetite. If I was British I clearly would know who he was, as the bio on his book jacket refers to him as one of Britian’s “national treasures”. I don’t know if any American chef has reached that distinction yet. Paula Dean? Emeril? Big head Giada DeLaurentiis?! I doubt it.

Giada -- someone I would refer to as a lollipop head. Also, she annoyingly has to pronouce words like "spaghetti" like an off the boat Italian grandmother ergo I hate her.

Well, Nigel sounded like a first rate guy and he sort of looks like Harry Potter, so in the end, I enthusiastically scooped up his memoir, so eloquently named “Toast”.

Harry Potter's Dad?!! What, what!

“Toast” is a memoir, lead by food. Or more appropriately for Nigel’s life; chocolates, suckers, ice cream, pies, and some hideous canned goods. Slater grew up in the 1960s, probably my least favorite food decade, and his family, albeit one on the wealthier side of things, really indulged in the canned food craze. They were also obsessed with candies and sweets. Every other section dealt with a pie, a treacle tart, or candy from the candy shop. Also, the candies sounded like they were out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Mr. Whippy Cornets, Callard and Bower’s Butterscotch, Parma Violets, and of course Gobstoppers.

Look at that punim

Slater is able to interweave his memories of food as a child, into his memories of things that happened to him during his early life. There are hilarious parts filled with great Briticisms and fun British names (his best friend is a boy named Warell Blub ---best name EVER), sad parts tinged with the sweet recollections of his mother as a young boy (his mother dies of lung problems when he is 10), and also some kiiiiiiiind of creepy parts. If I didn’t know the book was named “Toast”, I would have sworn it was named “Penis”. There is so much wang in this book; I seriously had to take a few breathers. From creepy Uncle Rege, who made him play “find the sixpence” in his pants pocket, to Josh the gardener who never wore underwear and loved to dry off naked in front of an 8 year old, to the creepy masturbator in the woods who ran after Nigel one day as he was taking his daily stroll; there is seriously a lot of creepy man penis talk. I mean I get it, the 1960s, free love, et all -- but creepy British male penis? Yikes! Overall a charming little read. Nigel had a tough childhood, but his love and interest in food really brought him to life and carried him on a path to greatness.

Need to buy this book on half.com!!!!

In the spirit of all things Nigel Slater, I decided to try a recipe from his delicious looking Kitchen Diaries: A Year Cooking With Nigel Slater. This book is gor-or-geous. Really easy to follow recipes, fun narratives and stunning photography that I found myself one hand reading on the train as I commuted home one day. Let me tell you - it was a real feat to drool and hold a 3 pound book in your hand while riding on the MBTA, but I accomplished it rather well. The book is arranged by month, so even though I’m saddened to look away from the summer month sections featuring luscious summer produce, I focused my attention on September and October. So today’s recipe is……..Homemade Macaroni and Cheese with Dijion and Fontina.

I’ve been meaning to do a home-made macaroni and cheese post for quite some time now. Not only is it one of my proudest make from scratch accomplishments, it certainly fits into a food nostalgia post or two.

I have two big memories of macaroni and cheese from my childhood. One involves a version that my mother made in this big stone brown casserole dish with a fancy blue swirl pattern on the bottom. I think she used Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup in it, as I always found myself picking out the cubes of little black soggy mushrooms. It also had ham in it, which I loved, and a crumbly crust of breadcrumbs, probably from a paper canister. My second memory involves the constant battle between Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Velveeta Shells and Cheese. My older sister loved Velveeta; the weird goop cheese that wasn't quite a liquid or a solid, and that came in a silver pouch. It tasted so metallic to me. Ick. Then there was Kraft with its neon cheese dust. Eventually Kraft came out with the Deluxe version, which meant wider noodles and a creamier sauce (which can be blamed on the extra milk and butter that was called for!) I was hooked. I never was into Annie’s –with the shells and white cheddar. It was too tangy and wholesome for this little soul.

Ahhh, the sweet smell of Kraft neon orange cheese powder

The gluten free alternatives for boxed mac and cheese are pretty eh. Amy’s Frozen Foods makes a fair rice pasta version, and then there is a version by Annie’s, which I improve upon by using Greek yogurt instead of milk. However, nothing beats homemade macaroni and cheese and the key to this recipe lies in both the roux and the type of cheese that you use.

A roux is the French way to thicken a sauce. A roux is also the reason why I can’t eat a ton of French food doused in fancy French sauces. However, since I’ve learned how to GF my roux, my wanna be French life has improved. Basically a roux is a paste made from butter and flour. When hot milk is added to this you get a béchamel or simple white sauce. If you add cheese to this, you get heaven on a spoon. There is also cheese choice to consider. Many people go with the standard cheddar or mozzarella, but I find that American cheese (despite it’s processed roots) gives a really great cheesy, salty flavor, and it also melts really well. Today we’re using Fontina, a superior melting cheese that could be referred to as Land-o-Lakes hot Italian cousin. Land-o-Lakes hot Swiss cousin is Gruyere, but we’ll save that cheese for another day!

I just love giving human characteristics to edible objects! Honestly, what could be better?

Here’s what you’ll need:

Pasta, about ½ to ¾ lb
Butter, 3 T
Flour, 2 T
Onion, ¼ cup diced
Bay leaves, 2
Milk, 2 cups
Fontina, 5 oz diced
Dijion mustard, 1 T
Breadcrumbs, ½ cup
Parmesan, ½ cup
Salt and pepper, to your liking

*fun accoutrements like broccoli, roasted mushrooms or peppers, etc.

Start your pasta water. Use a large pot, and salt the water and place the heat on medium low before you begin prepping. This way, as you prep, the water can slowly get up to temp, then in the last few minutes crank it to high and let it come to a boil.

Place 2 cups of milk, chopped onion, and bayleaf into sauce pan on low heat to warm.

Make your roux. Here’s a step by step guide with pictures! Aren't you lucky??

Start with 2 T of butter in sauce-pan and turn heat to medium.

Butter is king

When butter is fully melted, add 2T of your choice of flour and start to whisk together. I tend to use brown rice flour. It has a nice consistency that I think is comparable to wheat flour. For this particular recipe, I randomly used GF pancake mix? Still worked though! At this point, you don’t want the flour to burn, but you want to make a nice light brown paste. When you smell a nutty flavor, then your roux is ready.

Whatever you do, don't burn the flour!

Add your warm milk gradually and whisk to combine. Keep whisking and watch your heat. You do not want to scald your milk or have it boil over. I've done this many a times. Let’s just say this is not the step in the process where you make a trip to the restroom or when you decide you miss your cat and you need to give her a hug. I've had to learn the hard way....

Whisk, like your life depends on it

As you whisk, you’ll start to notice the sauce getting thicker and thicker. When the sauce gets to the thickness where it will coat the back of a spoon, add the fontina.

Whisk, until all cheese is melted. Add Dijion mustard and then salt and pepper to taste and set aside.

White sauce!

When pasta water comes to boil, add pasta and cook until al dente. While pasta cooks, toss 1 T butter in a fry pan with breadcrumbs and Parmesan and then set aside.

When pasta is done cooking, drain and add your white sauce. Throw into baking pan - casserole or even rectangular or square will work - and then add breadcrumbs on top. Bake in 400 degree oven for 30 minutes until sauce is bubbling up. Top with roasted veggies, meats, or whatever floats your boat.

I was impressed with this recipe. It was sort of like a 5th Avenue version of the mac and cheese that I make almost weekly now. The Dijion added a great depth of flavor, and the addition of bay leaf and onion into the milk really rounded everything out. The fontina delivered; it added a great creaminess that American cheese just can’t muster.

Oven roasted garlic broccoli complimented the rich cheesy texture of the Fontina stupendously!

Once you learn this recipe, you will never have to rely on boxed mac and cheese again. It's really so easy and all you need on hand is pasta, milk, flour and cheese. A great spur of the moment comfort food that you can be proud to say you made from scratch!

Food Nostalgia: Campbell’s Tomato Soup Redux

I think this picture says it all. Bread makes me frown.

I’ll never forget the day that I was diagnosed with celiac disease, back in good old 2002. Stomach problems had been my nemesis for quite some time, and after college I had a new doctor who was all holistic and earthy crunchy and thought it would be smart to test me for this little known gremlin called celiac disease. Now, this was before the days of Uno’s Pizzeria having a gluten free menu and people wanting to go gluten free in order to shed their baby weight. I had never heard of it. Most people had never heard of it. As far as I knew, my life was over.

I cried for a long time that day. Sure, there were some tears of happiness. I had finally figured out that something was wrong with me! For years, my Dad was convinced that I was just nervous all the time and that’s why I felt like I was going to hurl 22 hours out of the day. So I was glad to learn that these feelings of nausea were not just in my head. However, as the doctor explained the strict diet, it felt like I was being marched to the gluten free guillotine. I saw all my favorite foods flash before my eyes. Sandwiches, pasta, cakes, cookies...I nearly fainted with despair. I cried because my family was such a food family; and now I was the leper exiled to the island of salads and rice.

The Gluten Free Desert Isle of Shame

Ok, I’ll stop with the metaphors. But seriously, not the best day of my life. However, as I look back on that day and then at my current stellar gluten free self, I don’t hold a lot of regrets. Sure, the first few years were rocky. Sure, I hate to eat whilst traveling and hate when people put croutons on my salad even though I explicitly say BREAD WILL KILL ME SO NO CROUTONS PLEASE. Overall, I like my diet. It allows me to eat better and savor the gift that is real honest to god food. As far as I am concerned, store bought and pre-packaged food is for suckers. Food that you make with your own hands is far more fulfilling, both for your stomach and your heart. (By the way, I’m totally submitting that line to Hallmark so that they can make sympathy cards for people with food allergies.)

My ex BFF

This brings me to the theme of this post; food nostalgia! So occasionally I will get some feeling of yore for those foods that I used to eat when I was “all about gluten” or let us acronym it to AAG! Just like how a former disco diva will look longingly at a feathered boa, platform shoes, and Tang laced with cocaine; I too often crave the good old days!

The other day, the weather suddenly turned cold. It was raining, I wasn’t sweating just walking around, AND I wore pants to work for the first time in like 12 years. Back when I was AAG, rainy days meant one thing; Campbell’s tomato soup! Oh, I have such fond memories of opening those sweet little red labeled cans after school, and plopping that orange/red blob into a soup pan. Sure, the can said to just add “water”, but that seemed really gross to me at the time. I was all about creamy tomato soup, so like any seasoned canned food chef, I spruced it up with half milk and half Half & Half. Now that I think about it that seems a bit redundant. Half and Half IS half milk and half cream. I guess I didn't know that then. Whoops. So after the tomato and cream mixture had come together, I would throw in some cheese and maybe a few goldfish crackers, and I was set to watch the rain come trickling down, happily slurping my soup. Oh, I wish I had savored those days; I never thought there would come a time when I wouldn't ever be able to eat that soup again.

Fast-forward to 2011. Campbell’s tomato soup contains wheat flour. I’m sure it also contains about 4 days worth of your recommended sodium intake, so in all honesty, I’m glad I was forced to give it the ole heave-ho. When I rehashed my Campbell soup dreams to my little sis, she told me that I wasn’t missing much. That the soup tastes too acidic to be enjoyable. So strike three---Campbell’s Tomato Soup is OUT.

So as the old saying goes, "If you can't beat them, then make a really delicious substitution sans wheat!"

I was pleasantly surprised to find that homemade tomato soup is about as easy as can be. Actually, I've learned over the years that pureed soups in general are a very easy meal to make. They are relatively simple, require a small number of ingredients, and can be put together in a decent amount of time. They also don’t require a lot of brain-power to concoct. The formula is nearly identical for every pureed soup you will make. It goes something like this:

Roast or sauté veggies

+ stock + puree in blender

+ add cream or milk

= delicious soup that warms the soul

The end of summer is my absolute favorite time of the year at my local farmer’s market. Why? Because this is when the heirloom tomatoes are out in full force! I love sauntering (I always sauntering at the farmer’s market!) over to my favorite stand to pick through the various red, orange, and yellow globes of goodness. I love how they are imperfect, full of little knobs and almost always misshapen; like they are the scrappy siblings of the perfect little vine ripened tomatoes you see at the grocery store. I also enjoy all their different sizes, some are HUGE and some are petite and dainty. Here’s what you’ll need for the soup.

heirlooms, heirlooms everywhere

4 or 5 large tomatoes, preferably from a really classy farmer’s market

1 medium onion, cut into wedges

4 or 5 garlic cloves, mashed but whole

Olive oil

Salt

Pepper

Red pepper flakes, optional

1.5 cups of stock, chicken or veggie

1 T tomato paste

Basil, thyme, oregano (optional)

½ cup half and half or cream

Once I got home, I roughly cut up all my tomatoes, while taking out some of the seeds and juiciness. Whenever I roast tomatoes sometimes the juice leaks out and then burns on the roasting pan, so if you take out some of the seeds and juice to start, this curbs the juice factor a little. I also added some chopped onion - make the pieces big to match the tomatoes - and some whole garlic cloves. Then I shook a ton of olive oil on it, and doused it all with salt and pepper and a bit of red pepper flakes; my favorite secret ingredient!

this looks WAY better than that can shaped muckety muck that comes out of those Campbell's soup cans!

Roast the tomatoes for about 20-25 minutes; you want them sort of tender, but not totally disintegrated. Then place roasted tomatoes in a stock pot and add your stock, some herbs if you got them, and a bit of tomato paste. Cook for another 10 minutes or so, then transfer the contents of your stock pot to a blender and puree. Puree to your desired thickness, and then return to your pot. Over low heat, add your half and half or cream and stir to combine. Prepare to slurp!

Pick your puree! Also this reminds me of that scene from Goonies!

"I want to play the violin!!"

Did this replacement for my beloved Campbell’s make the grade? You bet your sweet bippy! Instead of tasting mostly salt and manufactured tomato taste, this soup tastes like a farm; a farm with rainbows and sunshine and little kittens running around it. You might think that would taste weird, but it doesn’t. It’s delicious. So make it. You will thank me later.

Homemade Tomato Soup tastes like Organic Rainbows

Umami: In Fact, Not Really a Big Wave

These looks like zombie gummy bears that want to eat me

I would have to say that my least favorite kinds of food are sweets. If I was able to go back in time - a la Marty McFly- and tell my 20 year old self this, I would have never believed…me? I was diagnosed with celiac disease when I was 19, so the bulk of my first few years on a GF diet were spent navigating the tricky culinary conundrum that is the college dining hall. Therefore, at college I subsisted on a pretty strict diet of horrible dining hall salad bar concoctions, Captain Morgan’s rum, and gummy candy from the campus store. There wasn't a night that I didn’t spend in the library, writing epic history papers whilst dining on nutritious sour gummy worms, gummy peaches, and my number one favorite -- chocolate covered gummy bears!

Now in my 28th year, I can say that it was this obsessive sweet tooth behavior that turned me away from all things sweet. Now I’m more of a savory/salty kind of gal and truthfully this bodes much better with my gluten free diet. Store bought gluten free pastries not only stink, they seriously break the bank. I’m so pumped I get to spend $6.00 on a box of gluten free Snickerdoodles that taste like dehydrated cardboard, you don’t even know.

I love me some 'shrooms

Currently, my new favorite “taste” would have to be UMAMI! A lot of people don’t know about umami. It’s definitely the newest taste on the block, but I don’t think anyone can deny its amazing qualities. As defined by my bff Wikipedia, “Umami is a loanword from the Japanese umami (うまみ) meaning "pleasant savory taste". I think I first heard about umami after several years of watching Top Chef. The chefs would always use it to describe seriously amazing dishes, usually fortified with mushrooms or truffles or something. I would describe umami as a well rounded, burst of taste in your mouth that is nearly indescribable. It’s sort of meaty. Sort of salty. Sort of ‘shroomy. Sort of like if you could take a shot of heaven, liquefy it, and inject it into a meal; that’s umami.

I dreamed up this risotto recipe in an attempt to capture all things umami. A few weeks back I was in a local market that sells frozen quarts of stock. As you know, I’m a big proponent of making my own stock, but this particular market had mushroom stock! It got me thinking about how many mushrooms you would really need to make a stock, and I thought that it would probably be something better left to people who make stock for a living. Well after all that thinking, I didn’t even buy that stock, but found a neat little mushroom stock concentrate from another market on my way home from work on another day. Here is it below.

A champignon is actually a mushroom but I read this as "essence of champions!" Damn straight!

Talk about concentrated UMAMI. One blot of this concentrated stuff, and I nearly keeled over from umami overload! I also bought mushrooms to put into the risotto (shitakes are my new favs, but any little capped wonder will work) and some freshly made Italian sausage to add even more of a meaty bite! And meaty it WAS. I would say it was borderline too meaty, to the point where a small portion was just enough to satisfy me. This is unusual for risotto and I. Usually I have to keep myself from going back a third time for more, more, more! I guess one portion is a GOOD thing.

I think my food photography is improving. This looks delicious!

U-MAMI ME-HUNGRY MUSHROOM RISOTTO

3-4 sausage links, casings removed
Mushrooms, stems removed and caps sliced into strips
5 cups mushroom stock
½ medium onion, diced
1 cup risotto
½ cup wine
Grated parmesan
salt and pepper

Do ahead: If you’re using this liquid stock concentrate, boil your water ahead of time and add the concentrate. Make sure you really mix it well. I had some blobs of stock that didn't dissolve because I didn't whisk the stock enough. If you’re using store bought liquid stock, then just get it to a nice simmer on the stove while you start cooking your risotto. It’s best to add warmed up stock to the risotto when the time comes.

Place meat from sausages into hot pan and sauté until meat is browned. Remove meat from pan and use drippings to sauté mushroom strips. You can add additional olive oil if we need be. Saute until tender. Set aside cooked sausage and mushrooms.

In deep pan, drizzle a few times around the pan with olive oil and bring the pan to a medium heat. Add diced onion and saute for 3-5 minutes, till onion is transparent. Be careful not to burn the onions—keep stirring!

Add risotto and stir for 1 minute. Add wine and stir until rice absorbs all the liquid. Next, start adding your stock ladle by ladle full. If you’re really lazy like me, and hate to miss Jeopardy while you standing in front of a hot stove, I put in a bit of extra liquid each time, and then leave it cooking for a bit while I dash off to answer the Daily Double. This will really only leave you an extra minute or so, so don't get entranced by Alex Trebek's 'stache or anything. Real chefs just keep stirring and standing---so take your pick!

When the liquid absorbs, keep adding more liquid until your stock runs out. The rice should be tender at this point, with a little bit of bite. Add cooked sausages and grated parmesan and salt and pepper to taste.

Plate risotto and lay sliced mushrooms artfully on top. Se magnifique!

Fry-Day: Eggplant Edition

I'm embarrassed that these pins exist. Get a life people!

Recently, I’ve become enthralled by the idea of Reverse Food Psychology. Yes, I just made that word up, but I think it perfectly describes the fact that we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re eating healthy by subbing out different ingredients. For instance, by cutting veggies into the shape of a potato chip, we can fool our puny little brains that we’re eating a lovely crisp Lays potato chip instead of a nasty dehydrated beet. See also gross vegan food like the Tofurky, Quorn dogs, and Nayonaise.

In the August issue of Bon Appetite, one of the first featured recipes was for eggplant fries. My first thought was. “Yes! Time to fry something again!” I used to be afraid of frying things. I thought I needed a legit fryer with a basket and weird temperature pluggy thing, much like my dad had back when Wednesday nights at the Dumas house used to be Fried Food Wednesday. My mom used to take a night class in Boston every Wednesday for a few years running. So every Wednesday, Dad would load up on seafood and potatoes, and we would have a virtual assembly line of egg wash, flour mix, and fryer; sort of like a mini McDonald's! If it was not for the fact that I was a slave to the ballet barre for most of my young life, I probably would have resembled Augustus Gloop. I still remember Dad yelling, “Close the doors upstairs!” so that our bed linens wouldn’t reek of fried scallops and shrimp. Ahhh, those were the days!

So as you can imagine, in the absence of a real fryer and in the interest of saving myself from the inevitable grease fire, I used to bake everything. One day I was brave, or maybe drunk, and decided that maybe if I just used a deep deep pan, I could fry like the best of them. Well, it’s true. You don’t need a real fryer. Just don’t put the oil up too high and get ready for an occasional grease spatter and you'll be A-OK. Also, I never got around to buying any sort of meat thermometer (to make sure the oil is at the optimal temp), but I usually just wait till I think the oil is probably hot enough- let's call it oil intuition. Then I throw some water into the pot and if it starts really sizzling, it's time to fry!

So back to the idea of reverse food psychology. Upon seeing this recipe for eggplant fries, I wondered if a veggie cut into a fry shape would approach the greatness of the standard potato fry? Or was Bon Appetite trying to pull a gourmet fast one? Well for all those people who are partial to the equation of veggies = instant healthy + I can stuff my face with this food - you’ll want to remember that for this recipe, you still use actual oil to fry these (there is no disgusting, um, I mean clever substitution for that!). Even prior to reading that the flour used to dust the eggplant was in fact RICE FLOUR (aka the gluten free holy grail), I was doing cartwheels in my kitchen; eggplant and fries are in the Emily version of “These Are a Few Of My Favorite Things…” Another favorite Emily song: "How Do You Solve a Problem like Celiac Disease?". So long story short, it was go time, and the next day I picked up a gorgeous aubergine at the local farmer’s market.

Soaking eggplant like it's my job

My one gripe about this recipe (or perhaps the blame should be placed on my horrible short term memory because I totally forgot about this crucial step until I went to make these) was that you have to soak the eggplant F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Ok, so maybe 2 hours isn’t forever, but when you’re so hungry that you find yourself eating the gross dehydrated fruit from this trail-mix somebody left in your work pantry- it seems like an eternity! The whole idea behind soaking the eggplant is that eggplant works like a sponge. Frying without soaking would mean the eggplant would suck up all the oil, making a greasy oil mess. By soaking the eggplant in water, you presaturate, so once frying commences, the eggplant does not take the grease in, and therefore it is just the outside that gets a nice oil/crispy coating! Other than the eons of prep time, this recipe is quite easy. I used my deep pasta pot to fry the eggplant in, which certainly increased the risk of a rapid grease fire engulfing my kitchen, but alas nobody died! The cats are still alive!

my cauldron of oil

I did however find that you have to use a lot of salt to really make the flavor come out. The lemon juice at the end was crucial, as it gave some nice acidity to balance out the fried crunchy texture. Also, I wasn’t in love with the dipping sauce so….we broke up! HA, just kidding, I don’t REALLY date yogurt but I just didn’t think it added a ton to this. I’m kind of anti-dip when it masks things instead of adds to the overall enjoyment. And, I didn’t have any za’atar but made a nice spice combo with whatever I found in my pantry, which at this moment is cumin, paprika and crushed red pepper flakes. You can call me the 6th Spice Girl aka Low Maintenance Spice.

frites of aubergine...complete!

The recipe delivered as promised; crispy on the outside, yummy tender eggplant on the inside. True to form, I convinced myself that I was eating veggies and devoured nearly the whole batch! Mazel Tov!

Eggplant Fries
Courtesy of Bon Appetite, August 2011


Dipping sauce:
1 cup plain low-fat yogurt
1 tablespoon chopped kosher pickle or pickle relish
2 teaspoons finely grated lemon zest
2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano
Kosher salt
freshly ground black pepper

Fries:
1 1-pound eggplant, cut crosswise into 1/2" rounds, then into 1/2"-thick strips
Vegetable oil (for frying)
1 cup rice flour
2 tablespoons finely grated lemon zest
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons za'atar or your own creative spice pantry concoction
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon fine sea salt plus more for seasoning

Ingredient Info:

Za'atar is a Middle Eastern spice blend that includes sumac, herbs, and sesame seeds. It's available at specialty foods stores, Middle Eastern markets, and igourmet.com

For dipping sauce:Whisk yogurt, chopped pickle, lemon zest, and oregano in a small bowl to blend. Season sauce to taste with salt and pepper.

For fries:Place eggplant in a large bowl. Add 2 cups ice and enough water to cover. Place a plate on top of eggplant to weigh it down. Cover and chill for at least 2 hours and up to 12 hours.

Pour oil into a large deep pot to a depth of 2". Attach a deep-fry thermometer to the side of pot and heat oil over medium heat to 325°F.

Meanwhile, whisk rice flour, lemon zest, za'atar or your own spice mix, garlic powder, and 1 teaspoon sea salt in a medium bowl to blend. Drain eggplant. Working in batches, toss damp eggplant in flour mixture to coat.

Working in batches, fry eggplant, turning occasionally, until golden brown, 3-4 minutes per batch. (Reheat oil to 325°F between batches.) Transfer to paper towels to drain. Season with lemon juice and sea salt. Serve immediately with dipping sauce.